It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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