you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
