So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
