very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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