wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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