why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
