I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
