Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
