I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
