you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
