Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
