I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
