so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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