i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
