Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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