My first STD was from a foam party
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
