Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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