I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
