i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize