i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
