You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
