If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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