I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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