I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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