if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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