I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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