PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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