whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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