hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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