if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
