nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
