all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
