Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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