This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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