At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Everyone says I win the strip club
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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