I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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