You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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