after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
