Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
