I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't turn off my feet"
whose parrot is this?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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