She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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