Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
