that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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