I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize