I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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