if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
