One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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