We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
