I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
