Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ladies don't puke and tell
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
