After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
