you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
