so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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