I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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