My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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