yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
