Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
