I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
