Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
