i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
